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Some stories and pictures of me experimenting in the kitchen, or what most people would call cooking. Please note no humans were mistreated or injured in anyway during the making of this food (except for me the chef when I got careless).

Right now there is only one story and I have called it "Tomatoe Torent", and that was a recent experiment, again completely successful. I have so far not managed to kill or poison anyone, or anything with these dishes. This dish is like many I have done before and requires few ingredients :

Alcohol (optional but can make it more fun)
Chef (thats the twat in the green top)
Food (various bits that get thrown in)

So where to start, well I guess you should open the can of beer or what ever else you have to hand and take a drink. Right now lets see what we have to cook with. Well the main ingredient is going to be a nice piece of steak, in this case Rump steak. And then we have some mushrooms and a large onion. Would have liked some green pepper but couldn't get any in time. Then there are various herbs and spices, or which the base ones are, cayenne pepper, garlic, oregano, and mixed spice. And I thought I might throw in a bit of curry powder into this one. Then I have a tin of plum tomatoes, not your ordinary round ones. And some tomatoe puree (or concentrate). Oh yeah, nearly forgot the soy sauce (a hot one)

First up lets slice but not quite dice the meat. Using the big knife again, which so far I have not managed to slice of any body parts yet (touching wood as I type this bit). Well lets throw this in a bowl and cover with copious amount of soy sauce, and leave it for a bit (in my case as long as it takes to cut up the mushrooms and onion). So after cleaning of the board, I begin the assault on the vegetables, no need to be nice to them. So have a hack at the mushrooms, I like to slice them thinly, or cube them up so I do both. Then onto the one, well thats easy just slice and dice, I like to leave it fairly chunky.

!!! Warning !!!
Remember that some food items can be violent, in this case I was attacked by an Onion, and a particularly viscious one at that. The results of which can be seen in the picture below.

Okay lets warm things up a little. So first up get the wok, frying pan, or saucepan (I've used them all before and it tastes the same) and stick it on the flame. I dont always use oil, depends on the meat but here I wacked some in and heated that first. Next we shove in the meat and then watch it go up in a cloud of steam, watch out for spitting fat. Lets leave that to cook away for a bit, not forgetting to stir it now and again. Once thats finished cooking for a bit we can then start to put in the veggies. I left the mat for about 5 minutes to get cooked quickly. Next I threw in the onion, and let that fry away for a bit, I love nicely fried onion. After a couple of minutes the mushrooms were next.

Now everything is nicely cooked and looking ready to eat, we now go for the tomatoes. I like lots of tomatoe so I put in a third of the tube of puree, and the whole tin of plum tomatoes. I leave this to cook for a minute or so, and then add the herbs and spices. I like my food HOT so I add plenty of cayenne pepper, and a little bit of curry powder in this case. I am also a big fan of Italian food, and thats where the garlic and oregano come in, again I love them so lots of that. And just to add a something bit extra, I add some mixed spice. I then leave this for a bit, until the tomatoe juice has thickened up a bit.

!!! GOTCHYA !!!
Caught in the act, I told you I liked tomatoe puree.

One thing I like to do is clear up as I go along, so while waiting for bits to cook I clean up what I can. This means at the end you dont have to clear away before you eat, coz that'll spoil the food, and you dont have to clear up after you eat, which would spoil the mood. Bit of rhyming going on here as well, maybe i'll trya poetry section later, only kidding this site might get banned for bad taste then. So now we have the main saucy bit, lets go for the other. I like pasta, especialy spagetti, but that can take a while and can go wrong. So today I go for my alternative which I also love, which is egg noodles. They take four minutes and you cannot really go wrong with these. So its boil up some water, chuck em in, and leave for a few minutes. After that pout them onto the plate and then add the sauce on top, voila.

The finished article, and a clean kitchen, perfect match. Now all I have to do is sit down and eat. So until I get some more done this will be it for now.